How do you know he/she is the One with whom you can have
a long lasting, mutually fulfilling, and happy relationship?
Physical Attraction: What you ‘see’ in the other person says
‘Go ahead, he/she is the one!’ This means that their
looks, fashion sense,
body type, posture and manner of walking
showing self- confidence, humility, focus, …;
attitude and presence,
voice and manner of speaking, etc.,
will meet your individual threshold/preference
for physical attraction,
throughout the relationship.
Ignoring this is why I believe that
(the TV show)
‘Married at First Sight’ does not appear to work well
especially without the necessary cultural history and
without a network of supportive and influential family dynamics
Western Culture emphasize/glamorize this far too much
there other equally
or more important factors
Shared Core Values and Approach to Life
You observe that you share similar views about
the most basic things you believe about life:
God, faith, and prayers,
money, life and death, family,
friends, science, the law, culture,
‘Go ahead, he/she is the one!’
‘ BEHIND THE SCENES‘ Real Life Experience(s) say,
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‘Yes, Go ahead, he/she is the one!’ ‘Behind the scenes’ experience concerning
earning and spending money,
interactions with siblings, parents, relatives,
co-workers, bosses, detractors and opponents,
(how he/she treats them is how he/she will treat you eventually);
leisure and entertainment activities,
loss, illness, heartaches, and outstanding joys,
‘Go ahead’, he/she is the one! However remember
people can and do change.
Sound Logic and Reasoning Confirms it!
my last post Use Your head to guard your heart
Your heart can guide you
but not against objective facts and logic.
Remember, you are committing yourself to
seek that person’s happiness without precondition
in the hope that they will do the same for you.
“Buy a stock the way you would buy a house. Understand and like it such that you’d be content to own it in the absence of any market.”
“Enter a long term relationship the way you would buy a house. Understand and like it such that you’d be content to own it in the absence of making any profit off it.” Why have a brain if you do not use it to make important decisions in life?
If sound logic and reasoning say
“Go ahead, he/she is the one”
. He/She is the one
What about ‘chemistry,’ ‘instinct,’ ‘live in the moment’ or ‘take a risk’?
‘ is mutual physical attraction and a shared approach to life,
(see above), unfortunately,
will not be enough for the long haul.
You would not invest in the stock market solely by instinct;
you need additional information to inform your ‘instinct’;
why then would you invest your life based solely on instinct?
‘Live in the moment’
Only if you have only one moment to live.
Take a risk
Would you jump out of an airplane
without a parachute and/or
without being reasonably sure it works?
We can do this; Let’s do this!!
Note: I apologies for the gap between the last post and this, Apologies for the gap between the last post and this. My excuse? Life Happened (Work, car crashes in the family, etc.). Email me your questions at email@example.com
As a general principle, debt is bad unless
It’s an investment debt, examples of which are,
in an area and, in an amount that makes economic sense education loans
a loan to purchase a house or real estate,
for which at least you have a real asset to sell off later,
it can be viewed as a form of saving at the least;
you may be able to build equity over time, and thereby
to increase your net assets position; or
an asset that will produce returns
greater than the cost of servicing the debt,
i.e. your earnings on the asset is greater than interest paid on it;
for example, a business or some form of an investment instrument
that produces an additional and an ongoing stream of income.
Long Term Loans,
credit cards, education loans, business loans, mortgage loans etc.
even for ‘good investment loans’ (debt) have one trap:
the ‘Minimum Monthly Payments’ trap.
‘Minimum Monthly Payment,’
is the amount you are required to pay on your outstanding balance
at regular periods (usually monthly, but also quarterly, yearly, etc.)
over the life of the loan;
meant to at least cover the interest on the loan.
But it may not cover your total monthly interest,
which means the amount you owe could be increasing
even while you are making regular payments!
When you take out a loan, your loan balance
which is your total debt on the loan,
continues to earn interest,
by the day, month, etc. depending on the loan details; it may also
increase when you fail to make a payment
because you get charged a penalty for late or non-payment,
which is then added to your loan balance!
If your minimum payments do not cover the interest,
in each period,
the unpaid interest is usually added to your outstanding balance
(this is called ‘capitalization’ of the interest)
that is, it’s like you took a larger loan in the first place;
future interest payments may be calculated on
the unpaid interest plus the original balance (‘principal’);
which is now the new and higher ‘principal’,
therefore your debt is growing, even as you are making
regular payments towards it!
, say you hold a balance of $25,000 on a credit card/loan
at 15% annual interest rate computed on each month’s balance, you must pay
$3750 per year in interest (25,000 x 0.15) or
$308 – $312 per month (3750 /365 * 30 days; or $3750 /12 months) or
$500 per month if the minimum payment required is 2%
If you miss one minimum payment,
the $500 may be added to your balance of $25,000
at the end of the period
to become $25,500.
Your annual interest at 15% is now
$3825 per year (25,500 * 0.15) or
$314 – $318 per month (3825 /365 * 30 days; or $3825/12 months) or
$510 per month if the minimum payment required is 2%
Additional fees (penalties) may also be added to your loan balance.
If on the other hand
you are in financial difficulty and ask for reduced payment
that is less than your interest payments,
say you want to make a $100 payment,
instead of the minimum payment of $500
you will be paying less than the interest payment
(of $308 – $312 per month);
your outstanding interest may be capitalized
i.e. added to the initial balance of $25,000:
which is $208 – $212: the difference
between your monthly interest
($308 – $312) and
the $100 you paid
will be added to your balance;
other ‘late penalty’ or ‘non-payment’ fees
may also be added to your balance
other ‘finance’ or ‘financing’ charges
may be added to your balance and
the total loan balance will increase.
Then what looks like a relief (less than the minimum payment)
turns out to be bad for you in the long run
There’s more. Check back tomorrow!
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Some Basic Truths For Meaningful, Happy and Successful Life
There is a God Almighty
He will judge
He is sovereign
(owes no one any explanation, and is
free to do whatever he wills,
He is Holy but he is also
You are Special
One of a kind In a good way, despite or because of
what you did in the past
what someone did to you in the past
your DNA profile
where you were born
You have something to say, to give, to contribute, to do
in this world;
a legacy to leave behind,
a mission to accomplish, and
a dream to fulfill.
Your life has meaning!
You are of infinite value
to God who loves you and died for you
to those who love you
mom, dad, grandpa, grandma, siblings, bff etc.
You add meaning, joy and happiness to their lives.
For those who may not ‘love’ you,
They are not looking at your true value.
They are looking at something other than
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Things can and Do Change
Other opportunities will open
Closed doors may become open
New doors will open up
‘Doors’ can become walls or
ladders may be provided to scale walls!
People can change
Friends can become enemies
Bosses can become subordinates
Doubts can become trust
Opponents can become team-mates
Miracles (impossible ‘coincidences’) can happen New methods, medications, procedures, approaches will be invented
making it easier to get where you want to go in your life!
Reality, Facts, and Truth Rule in the Long Run
There are no ‘alternative facts’ Opinions, feelings, emotions, loyalties change, facts don’t
Evidence based choices are best
Respect True Scientific Discoveries
God is the ultimate scientist
They are foundation to practically all human achievements
The Other Side of Life Will Be Different
All tears will be wiped away;
No more sorrows, sickness, death, or evil,
No more scammers, swindlers, thieves, liars, sociopaths;
Those who (we) think they ‘got away with it’
will not escape the ultimate justice,
If you have invested in it!
I recommend Jesus to you, Personally!
Don’t think there will be need for ‘Faith’
Faith will become sight
It will be like the Garden of Eden all over again!
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YOU CAN DO THIS, LET’S DO THIS!
In order to have a meaningful and successful
Life after Defeat, Step 1 is to separate Who YOU ARE from WHAT HAPPENED (the event). Now the next steps:
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Take Time to Reflect
Avoid far reaching decisions while you are ‘feeling blue.’
Choices under such conditions are likely to be
ill advised, and
Learn from the experience.
Who to trust
What to do
A better way
Keep Things in Perspective
The Time Perspective
There may be other opportunities.
Take the long view.
How will this look one, two, five, or ten years from now?
How will this look from the other side of eternity?
You may have gone through this in the past,
remember how you made it through then?
The ‘Others’ Perspective
In the past your ‘win’ meant others lost!
Your experience may not be the best,
but it is not the worst either.
Others have survived such things
The ‘God’ Perspective
He lives, he sees, he knows, he understands, and
He is in control
He does not make mistakes
All Things Are Possible with him
Do it again!
Success sometimes (often) comes only after several tries
‘Third time is the charm’ Believe!
Adjust Your Line of Attack (approach)
More and better preparation
‘signs’ along the way and make adjustments
You may not be a fighter pilot but
you will be able to design the planes they fly in
You may not qualify or be approved to be a doctor
but you will be an excellent nurse practitioner or
a medical technician, or a surgical nurse, etc.
You may not qualify to become an engineer
but you will be an excellent and successful mechanic!
You get the idea!
You can Do this – Let’s Do this!
How do we recover from ‘defeat?’
The pregnancy test came back negative.
The lab tests came out positive:
You failed the comprehensive final exam
Can’t advance to the next level.
You are not going to be the professional you always wanted to be
nurse, doctor, engineer, lawyer, certified accountant, analyst…
Not just yet!
Your application for the position was turned down;
someone else got it because
they were better qualified, better suited.
You lost the competition;
It was so close, but someone else was faster, stronger, smarter, had a bit more
Your significant other walked out on you;
you have tried everything
but they still decided to walk away.
Friends and family have given up trying to talk to him/her.
Counseling has not worked.
Prayers (many) seem not to have worked.
Giving selflessly to the relationship has not worked
Your grown children won’t take correction.
They refuse to follow the law, guide their family, manage their finances, their health, and
trouble, like a train from a mile away is heading their way
you can see it, you can hear it coming!
Separate the event,
‘What happened’ from
WHO YOU ARE!
your innate, God-given value
equal to that of every other person on the planet
possessing the same one unit of life
having the same number of hours in a day, days in a month, etc.
defined by qualities you posses
loyal, loving, sincere, trusting, diligent
gifted, patient, kind, selfless, etc.
Someone who is loved
by God (certainly)
by loving family (children, parents, siblings, friends,
by the right kind of person
when they get to know you
if they get to know you
it’s their choice not yours
it’s their loss if they don’t
Someone who can still succeed!!
Next Steps Tomorrow
You can do it! Let’s Do This!
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Step One – Clarify Your Life Goal
Write it down in one or two sentences
Separate out the means to the goal from the goal itself
A friend said to me that if an Angel gave her one wish,
she would ask for ‘Money’!
“What will you do with it?” I asked.
“I will open and orphanage,
something I have always wanted to do!”
“That’s your life goal, money is only the means to it!”
Step Two – Find Out All You Can About Your Life Goal
List everything you know about it
Ask people about it
Talk to those who are already in the industry/occupation/career etc.
Learn as much as you can from those who are already in the activity
Do an internship
Get a coach if possible
Read about it
The internet is your friend – you can find a lot of things there
Take courses if they are available
Step Three – Identify Resources Required and Available to Reach Your Life Goal
Time, Skills, Funds, People, Information Sources, Effort (Sweat Equity)
Step Four – Break Up Your Life Goal into Smaller Objectives
Today, tomorrow, and for the next one month!
One to six months of activities
One semester of school
One season: Summer, Fall, Winter, or Spring (Dry Season or Rainy Season)
Medium Term Objectives
Annual Objectives leading towards your goal
Long Term Goal – Your Life Goal
Step Five – Take the First/Next Step
Start each day with these reminders:
“What little thing will I do today towards my Life Goal?”
“A Journey of a thousand miles starts with one step”
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”
“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead”
St. Paul (Philippians 3.13)
“Take care of the details, but also keep the big picture in mind”
‘The future is now!’
Public Domain (Movie, Albums, etc.)!
You Can Do It! Let’s Do This!!
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Pour your heart out to God.
Yes, it is okay to complain, berate, weep, and protest to God
about your feelings and circumstances;
if you doubt that just read the Book of Job;
he (God) can handle criticism, he wears very big shoes.
Praise him, by faith:
Praise is very good therapy!
Count your blessings.
I recommend it even when you are ‘not feeling it’!
Find a good shoulder to cry on:
Your spouse, a close sibling, your BFF, and
A good counselor.
Reach out for the occasional emotional relief
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‘cookie’ or ice cream, music, or good movie
(use with caution and sparingly)
(this is only a temporary relief)
(I most definitely don’t recommend alcohol or any other type of ‘Drug’)
Life goes on
Shift gears into the ‘Problem Solving Mode’
Learn from the past but do not live in it!
Can’t drive by looking at the rear-view mirror always!
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