All posts by Reach Ministries

I am an assistant Professor of Economics and a Minister of the Gospel. I am married with 4 grown children, I live in the Greenville, South Carolina, area of the US. God has called me to start a ministry in South Carolina, 'Reach Ministries' Int'l. This is my passion: To promote personal success at life to all I come in contact with: how to win at life itself is more than just about money, wealth, fame, and power (although these would be nice for anyone to have)! With or without these, you can still achieve personal goals, enjoy meaningful, lasting, fulfilling and positive relationships, and experience 'freedom' over the outcomes in your life. Some of these are internal to you (your gifts, your faith, the choices you make, the way you think, the way your feel); others are external - taking full advantage of the opportunities in your family, community, and those that your country affords you: education and training, sound financial planning and investing, and engagement in the lives of others. The Three Pillars are: "Reach for God - He is reaching out to you in love!" (how you can know God through Jesus Christ, how you can experience the peace, joy, fulfillment, hope, intimacy, and miraculous answers to prayer in your walk with God). "Reach for your Goals" (You can do it); we teach, counsel, guide, and encourage you to reach your personal, career, and financial goals; "Reach out to others (to give and to receive); we are created for relationship; you can be blessed and you can be a blessing to others. We teach you how to have successful family, community and citizenship relationships. I am also interested in Economic Development, Political Economy, Music, and Tennis. I'd like give back to Africa, to do more travel, and teach about the intersection of Faith, Economics and Politics; I play (amateur) acoustic guitar.

Pain, Suffering, Evil, and God, Questions? Answers!

Questions:  Pain, Suffering, Evil, and God?

  • What is my ‘SATISFYING ANSWER’?
  • If God is  ALTOGETHER GOOD AND ALMIGHTY’
    • why the pain, the suffering, and all the evil
      • that we see in the world?
person holding a green plant
Photo by Akil Mazumder on Pexels.com

I now believe that this

  • God-designed creation runs on a ‘natural order’ (!)
    • based on the laws of science in
      • biology, physics and engineering, chemistry, geology, astronomy
      • mathematics and statistics, electronics, nuclear physics, etc.;
    • based on the laws of society and human interactions in
      • sociology and anthropology,
      • political science and economics, etc.
    • It is the challenge and opportunity of all men
      • since the days of Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Joshua, David, Solomon, etc.,
      • including Christians, and all genuine God worshipers,
      • to discover and utilize these laws for their benefit;
      • as stated in the book of Genesis when God’s says to man,
        • “fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1.28)
        • work it[the garden-creation] and keep it. (Genesis 2.15)
  • Creation running on the ‘natural order’ is also ‘broken’ and
    • all men are subjected to this broken natural order INCLUDING
      • Christians, people of earnest faith, genuine God Worshipers;
    • evil, vile and wicked men;
    • evil schemes, wars, crimes, corruption,
      • are to be expected and do happen;
    • typhoons, storms, tornadoes, earthquakes, accidents,
    • diseases like cancer, deformity,  fatal accidents,
      • will and do happen.
  • God is making a NEW HEAVEN AND A NEW EARTH,
    • a restored creation with a restored ‘natural order’!!

I also believe that God rendered himself ‘Almost Powerless’

  • in the affairs of men
  • when he gave man total freedom to make choices!
    • Most of the evil in this world
      • comes from men and societies making evil choices,
        • spouses cheat, abuse, and abandon families;
        • wayward children choose wrong paths;
        • criminals, political leaders, sociopaths,
          • make wrong choices that harm others,
          • ensure continuing cycle of evil
            • as their ‘broken’ victims
            • turn around and victimize others.
    • God let’s men have their own way so that they can see
      • in themselves and in the results of their choices
        • a need for God,
        • if they would believe
        • (Romans 1.24a, 26a, 28b).
    • God’s purpose and plan is seen
      • in those who willingly let his kingdom
        • reign in their hearts and lives
          • becoming his “witnesses” to the world,
          • “salt of the earth”, and
          • “light of the world.”
    • As before though
      • God will judge.
      • God will restore all things.
      • God will be proven right, just, loving, faithful and true.
      • God will remake a new order
        • without the problems of this old order.

I also believe that God is incredibly Great, Powerful, and Sovereign

  • If (since) there is an ALMIGHTY God
    • from our knowledge of astronomy
      • he must be incredibly great
      • (Please take a look at this astonishing video on YouTube
  • This limits the extent to which my puny mind
    • can understand him or his purposes
      • for the world he has created.
  • If (since) he made the universe as we know it, 
    • he is sovereign over it;
      • (free to act as he pleases)
    • he owns everything!

So how then shall we live?

  • God takes pleasure WHEN we trust him
    • so I will trust him, what is the alternative(?)
      • Can you change him?
      • Can you change his purposes against his will?
      • Can you fight God?
      • If you reject God and abandon your faith
        • what difference will it make?
        • what will you replace God with?
  • God has revealed himself to man in the only way he can
    • by becoming man through his Son – Jesus Christ!
  • God has demonstrated that he cares
    • when Jesus died on a cruel cross
    • as we struggle in this fallen creation
    • so I will trust him
      • that he will make all things right again!

We can still pray for and expect ‘miracles’

  • God breaks through the natural laws of creation
    • from time to time,
    • to let us know
      • that he is there and he is not silent;
    • to demonstrate his power and
    • to encourage our trust in him;
  • (all answered prayers are miracles!)
    • God sometimes answers prayers
      • which appear to be the result of the ‘natural order’ but
      • which are ‘too coincidental’
        • since we prayed specifically about it!
  • The genius of God is that
    • while it appears that things happen
      • according to the natural order of things,
      • according the fallen-ness of creation and human nature
      • according to the arbitrariness and capriciousness of human choices;
    • his purposes are clearly still being fulfilled in the world:
      • righteousness matter,
      • evil is wrong,
      • truth is desirable,
      • and faith in him is
        • enduring and cannot be destroyed;
        • meaningful and practically rewarding!!!
          jesus-christ-good-shepherd-religion-161289.png

Notice, I did not say anything about Satan?

  • HE IS NO MATCH FOR GOD!  BUT more about this next time!

Let me know what you think.  Send me an Email, or a tweet.  Please share!

 

Questions: Pain, Suffering, Evil, and God!

I ADMIT IT!!!

  • I have had a lot of questions that have plagued me for a long time

    • about pain, suffering, evil, and God!

answer-career-close-up-221164.jpg

  • I have seen (first person) or heard and read about

    • Christian men and women (young and old)
      • faithful to Jesus Christ,
        • active witnesses for Christ,
        • righteous in their lifestyle choices,
        • selfless in service to others,
        • regular and authentic worshipers,
      • loved by all, and then
        • fall ill and die,
        • drown at a Church outing or swimming in a home pool, or 
        • killed in gruesome road accidents, sometimes
          • while out or soon after evangelizing, or
          • while going about their normal business;
          • leaving behind grieving
            • (sometimes young) families,
            • congregations and the church at large,
          • while their ‘less worthy’ and sometimes criminal compatriots
            • live on!
  • I have read about 

    • how about five million Jews (‘God’s people’)
      • were killed in the second World War;
    • how over two hundred thousand people
      • were killed during the Tsunami in Asia in 2004,
    • how hundreds of thousands (including many innocents) were killed during
      • World War I, World War II,
      • Genghis Khan Wars, Alexandra the Great wars, Roman Empire Wars,
      • wars of Independence in US, India, Nigeria, Pakistan,
        • in South America, Africa, Asia, East Asia, Europe,
        • in civil wars and terrorist plots all over the world, etc. etc.
  • I/We have seen TV/Video clips of infants and babies 

  • struggling with cancer and other horrible diseases
  • that adults find it difficult to cope with, much less little children
  • born with birth defects
    • (blind, deaf, without limbs, joined with other children etc.)
  • I/We have seen the crooked and the unrighteous

    • get rich and powerful
      • by engaging in ruthless, unethical, and evil schemes,
      • swindling their customers, investors, and society as a whole,
    • beat the system instead of paying for their crimes,
    • appear to continue on with their lives
      • after destroying the lives of others
        • including family, trusting friends, and associates.
  • I/we have also seen

    • the poor remaining poor
    • the sick remaining sick
    • the rebellious child remaining rebellious
    • the marriage not becoming healed
      • even after a lot of prayers!

advise-answer-arrow-208494-e1569008290616.jpg

 PAIN, SUFFERING, AND EVIL, GOD! QUESTIONS?!!

I CAN NOW SAY THAT I HAVE ANSWERS THAT SATISFY ME AND I WANT TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU.

NEXT POST!!!

I believe in Miracles and …!

I believe in a reality

  • that is governed by observable and verifiable laws
    • of science operating within God’s creation.
pexels-photo-761394-e1568000977543.jpeg
Photo by Jakob on Pexels.com

I believe that scientific laws and discoveries are valid

  • for ALL human existence
    • including those of the children of God(!), that is, the laws of
      • gravitation, motion, thermodynamics, relativity, atomic energy,
      • mathematics, statistics, chemistry, physics, electromagnetism, etc.
      • I do not accept evolution BY CHANCE but
        • I cannot rule out evolution by divine design.
  • Denying the laws and verifiable discoveries of science
    • on the basis of so-called ‘faith’
    • is a futile endeavor because
      • GOD PUT THEM THERE!!!
closeup photo of selective color photography of cars on road print
Photo by Cecu00edlia Tommasini on Pexels.com

I believe and accept the scientific advances behind modern technology

  • that have revolutionized human existence in the fields of
    • agriculture and food production,
    • medicine and fighting disease and illnesses,
    • manufacturing,
    • communication and transportation,
    • entertainment,
    • astronomy and even (sadly and unfortunately)
    • warfare, because
  • GOD PUT THEM THERE (!!!)
    • to be discovered for human use!

I also believe and accept verifiable theories and observations of the social sciences

  • concerning human nature and human interactions:
    • the quest for power,
      • how and why people attain, keep and exercise
        • dominance over others,
      • organizational behavior,
      • group dynamics;
    • the quest for possessions including
      • the universal principle of scarcity,
        • (human desires and wants are unlimited but resources are),
      • the economics laws of demand and supply,
    • the quest for pleasure,
    • Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs, etc.
    •  are valid because GOD PUT THEM THERE!!!!

I  believe that God is therefore the greatest scientist;

  • the greatest, physicist, mathematician, astronomer,
  • molecular biologist, surgeon, sociologist, etc.!
  • God is above, over, and beyond all of his creation.

I also believe in the writings of the Bible

  • It is a revelation of an otherwise UNKNOWABLE God.
    • How else can we know the God
      • who is the origin, and is over, above,  and beyond the cosmos?
    • This revelation gives meaning and purpose to life.
    • It is ultimately the only viable answer
      • to the question:
        • “What is the meaning and purpose of life?”
    • Think of God as the Unlimited Energy that birthed everything
      • (energy appears to be one of the main constants in the entire cosmos)
      • but which/who is also a PERSONAL being!
bible book book bindings book series
Photo by Jonathan Meyer on Pexels.com

I believe God wants men to live within the natural order of creation

  • FOR THE MOST PART(!!),
    • that miracles of the dramatic kind
      • are rare occurrences and
        • designed by God to be so(!),
        • because he wants us to live by faith(!!)
        • and because he wants us to live
          • within the scientific (natural) laws of his creation!
    • GOD PUT THEM THERE!!!!
  • Neither Abraham, nor Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David, Solomon, Paul, Peter, or James
    • discovered the aerodynamics in order to build an airplane, nor did they
    • discover penicillin, the microscope, electricity, the Periodic Table, DNA, X-rays, Quantum Theory, or the connection between smoking and cancer;
    • gun powder was discovered by the Chinese, and
    • Archimedes had to discover the buoyancy principle because,
    • THAT’S HOW GOD INTENDED IT!!!

So child of God

  • don’t give up on dramatic miracles, but
  • don’t wait for them either.
  • It is God’s will that you live your life in obedience to him
    • with or without miracles.
  • The ONE MIRACLE that you can be sure of is this:
  • LEARN, UNDERSTAND, AND USE
    • the laws and principles
      • that God has put into his creation,
    • and seek his favor, and
  • YOU WILL MEET YOUR GOD GIVEN GOALS.
  • THAT’S HOW GOD INTENDED IT!!!!

LET’S DO THIS!  YOU CAN DO THIS!!

(Next post: how the perspective above helps us deal with the problem of evil and suffering!!)

 

 

I believe in Miracles!

pexels-photo-256369.jpeg
Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

But I also believe in scientific laws of creation

  • That is, all knowledge and discoveries that are
    • objective, demonstrable, repeatable, and
      • irrespective of race, geography, time, or status
        • namely the laws of Physics, chemistry, electronics, gravity, geography, etc.
        • are valid and placed there by God.
abstract bit blur bright
Photo by Austin Guevara on Pexels.com

Here is why I believe in Miracles:

  • I believe in God
    • It follows that if (since) there is a God
      • and if (since) he is involved in his creation, then
      • by definition he is able to overrule the laws of creation
        • that is the definition of a miracle!
    • I also believe he responds to (answers) prayers and
      • that is the definition of a miracle!
  • I believe in Jesus Christ
    • I believe he did all the miracles
      • that the gospels say he did.
  • I have experienced events in my life that qualify as miracles
    • The events around my repentance and believing in Jesus Christ as savior
      • feels like God responded to my desperate cry
        • for him to reveal himself to me!
    • Coming to the USA for the first time
      • was a miracle!
  • I have ‘sensed’ (‘felt’/’known’) things before they happened
    • I ‘felt’ (‘knew’) God say to my heart
      • that the woman who is now my wife
        • of thirty-six years,
        • will be my wife before I had met or spoken to her;
    • I ‘felt’ (‘knew’) God say my first child will be a girl
    • I ‘felt’ (‘knew’) God say my second child will be a boy
      • (Note: I did not have any leading about the third and fourth).
    • I ‘felt’ (‘knew’) in my ‘spirit’ to mourn for a colleague
      • after a kind of vision (vivid image/thoughts)
      • before he was outed as  a cheat/crook
        • even though I had no prior knowledge of it.
    • I ‘feel’ (‘know’) God say to me that I will not die before I am 70
      • (caveat: I have now grown to respect the natural laws
        • that safeguard good health and long life, despite this).
      • I survived the civil war in my home country:
        • one time shot at
          • four bullets in my direction
          • two bullets through the window my father and I
            • were looking through;
        • one time on the ground slated for execution
          • by trigger happy troops;
          • in a civil war,
          • with exploding bombs within a couple of miles away
            • but survived.
      • Once, we had an accident
        • that had me and and my motorcycle slide under a huge truck
          • between its wheels,
          • but me and my passenger survived!
    • I have also had some dramatic answers to prayer:
      • A Demon oppressed neighbor girl
        • was delivered as we prayed ‘in the Name of Jesus’.
      • My son with a medical condition
        • that could not be treated in my African country,
        • got treatment in the UK by clear answers to prayer (miracle):
          • funds were provided, and
          • doctors: general practitioners and specialists
            • gave free treatment and
              • their own money and time to care and
              • continued to provide costly and continuing support;
          • without which he would now be wheelchair bound,
            • deformed and/or dead!
        • By inspiration, I named him
          • “One born to see wonders!”
            • at birth!
    • A married woman who could not bear child after several years
      • delivered within the year after prayer and
        • the laying on of hands;
    • A married woman whose pregnancy was going past ten months
      • delivered the baby by the next morning after prayer and
        • the ‘laying on of hands.’
    • A series of ‘answers’ to prayer that brought my family to the US
      • after fifteen years of prayer and then,
      • at the US Embassy,
        • an initial visa application appeared Rejected!’
          • but dramatically changed to
            • ‘Approved;‘ 
      • and after provision of funds
        • that also went way beyond my ability.
    • And lots more
    • I believe other people have experienced miracles too!
      • I have heard first person narrations and
      • I have read about experiences of others.
      • But some of my prayers
        • HAVE NOT been answered
          • the way I wanted it to be;
          • because God thought otherwise, and
          • because we must live by faith, and
          • because the ways of God is still a mystery!!

Next Post – God, Science and the Natural Order of Creation!

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.
[Moses: Deuteronomy 29.29]

The Truth is Staring at Us in the Face!

“…and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8.32- ESV – Jesus

The Truth/Facts about @realDonaldTrump and where he is taking America

  • are clear but the implications are
    • so great, so dangerous, and so catastrophic,
      • that most of us (including a good number of his followers)
        • simply do not want to confront or accept it.

WHAT IS THE TRUTH???!!!!

creepy-flora-flowers-2064756-e1566700236140.jpg

  • TRUTH/FACT: Donald Trump is a deeply flawed man.

    • He is a pathological liar 
      • He lies incessantly, impulsively and
        • in all things small and great.
    • He is a narcissist
      • (i.e. extremely self-centered, and selfish)
      • far more than the usual politician.
    • He is mean
      • He attacks and seeks to hurt people personally
        • and not always because he is ‘fighting back’,
        • he often responds to disagreements
          • with personal attacks.
    • He is amoral
      • He appears to have no sense or commitment
        • to the difference between right and wrong.
      • He will attack other people of wrongdoing
        • that he himself is guilty of
          • without the slightest hint of self-awareness.
      • All his choices and actions boil down to
        • what is best for him:
          • not his wife, not his children, not the Republican party, not his team, not his staff, not his (now ‘close’) friends, not America’s allies, not America’s interests,
          • just what is best for him in the moment!!!!
    • He appears to lack empathy
      • He is not (easily?) moved
        • by the feelings and experiences of others.
    • He appears unwilling to personally exert himself
      • (when he is not speaking before adoring crowds).
      • He is not a student of history.
      • He spends a lot of time watching TV.
      • He has a significant amount of ‘executive time’ each day.
      • He spends a lot of time golfing.
    • He is impulsive
      • He often acts without forethought and deliberation.
    • He may not always be tethered to reality
      • He appears to believe some of his own lies.
      • He refuses to believe facts contrary to his own narrative/interpretation.
  • The TRUTH:  Donald Trump is not going to and will not change

clouds-cloudy-dark-clouds-247110

  • There will be no ‘pivot’
    • to a nicer or another version
      • of @realDonaldTrump
    • He has not ‘lied’ to us about who he is
      • Old clips of his younger days show that
        • he has always thought he has the answer to every problem, and
        • he must always have the last word.
    • “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time [Maya Angelou]
  • Truth/Fact: Every Tree Bears Fruit that is natural to it!

“Beware of the false prophets, [teachers] who come to you dressed as sheep [appearing gentle and innocent], but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them [that is, by their contrived doctrine (i.e. teaching) and self-focus]. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the unhealthy tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore, by their fruit you will recognize them [as false prophets]. [Matthew 7.15-20 AMP: Jesus]

  • TRUTH/FACT:  THE UNITED STATES AND THE WORLD ARE THEREFORE NOT IN GOOD HANDS!!!

    • The US and the world economy are not in good hands
      • Exhibits:
        • Trade wars without appropriate forethought and planning:
          • “trade wars are easy to win” – Donald Trump
        • Lack of preparation for the looming downturn in the economy
        • Monetary policy by tweets, personal attacks, and ‘gut’ feeling.
          •  “They’re making a mistake because I have a gut, and my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else’s brain can ever tell me.” Donald Trump (November 2018)
        • Stock Market volatility week of August 19-23, 2019
    • International Peace and Stability are not in good hands.
      • Exhibits:
        • Trump conducts extremely crucial geopolitical relationships
          • on the basis of his personal ‘interactions’ (relationship?)
            • with adversaries and allies:
              • Vladimir Putin, Kim Jung Un, Angela Merkel, Emmanuel Macron, Justin Trudeau etc.
        • North Korea is still firing missiles off
        • Russia and the US are entering a new nuclear arms race
        • Trump has dictatorial tendencies
          • he appears to want to skip the ‘rule of law’  if  he can:
            • “Our great American companies are hereby ordered to immediately start looking for an alternative to China, including bringing your companies HOME and making your products in the USA.” Donald Trump 08/23/2019
    • America as a Beacon of Light (‘the city on a hill‘) is not in good hands
      • When an organization/country changes its values,
        • does it continue to be the same organization/country?
      •  Exhibit
        • Will Trump willingly leave office or be forced out if/when he looses in 2020?
          • Will he sow discord in society to avoid accepting defeat?
        • Will America welcome fleeing refugees anymore?
          • “Give me your tired, your poor,
            Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
            …Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
            I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
            [Statue of Liberty Poem]
        • Will the rights of a free press continue unchallenged
          • in the era of so called ‘fake news’ claims?
        • Will the body politic aspire towards a national, political, economic, and Judeo-Christian ethos characterized by
          • individual freedoms, integrity in public office, rule of law, ‘United’ States, fully representative democracy, or will it
          • devolve into moral relativism, factionalism, regionalism, and division?

action-adventure-beach-2081007

  • We are in for a rough ride
    • Exhibits
      • Walking in on young pageant contestants in their dressing rooms; “Grab them [women] by their ….”:
        • More corruption of morals by a sitting President
      • Trump University scandal and subsequent court settlement:
        • More Deceit, more corruption
      • 4 (5?) Bankruptcies:
        • Wreck the American Economy
      • Thousands of Lawsuits:
        • Tying up the American system of checks and balances in knots
          • with fights between the different branches of government, i.e.
            • the courts, congress, and the executive branch.
      • Two divorces, plus cheating on spouses:
        • Broken promises to the people of America
      • Paying off Stormy Daniels and other Scandals in order to win:
        • More corruption of the American Democracy like you have never seen before.
    • All powerful, corrupt and (perhaps evil) political leaders 
      • have periods of ‘good results’ 
        • when the majority of people appear to love them,
        • when it seems they had success after success,
        • when it seems they survived again and again,
          • going from one potential disaster to another,  that is,
        • until their eventual and certain downfall. 

WE ARE IN FOR A ROUGH RIDE FOLKS!!!!

BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!

pexels-photo-2168809.jpeg
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

How Do You Know He/She is the One!

Seriously,

  • How do you know he/she is the One

  • with whom you can have
    • a long lasting, mutually fulfilling, and happy relationship?

Physical Attraction:  What you ‘see’ in the other person says

  • ‘Go ahead, he/she is the one!’
  • This means that their
    • looks, fashion sense,
    • body type, posture and manner of walking
      • showing self- confidence, humility, focus, …;
    • attitude and presence,
    • voice and manner of speaking, etc.,
      • will meet your individual threshold/preference
        • for physical attraction,
        • throughout the relationship.
  • Ignoring this is why I believe that
    • (the TV show)
    • ‘Married at First Sight’ does not appear to work well
      • especially without the necessary cultural history and
      • without a network of supportive and influential family dynamics
        • to support it.
  • Western Culture emphasize/glamorize this far too much
    • when there other equally
      • or more important factors
        • to consider.

Shared Core Values and Approach to Life

  • You observe that you share similar views about
  • the most basic things you believe about life:
    • God, faith, and prayers,
    • money, life and death, family,
    • friends, science, the law, culture,
  • all say ‘Go ahead, he/she is the one!’

BEHIND THE SCENES‘ Real Life Experience(s) say,

pexels-photo-1893493-e1566163785228.jpeg
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com
  • ‘Yes, Go ahead, he/she is the one!’
  • ‘Behind the scenes’ experience concerning
    • earning and spending money,
    • interactions with siblings, parents, relatives,
    • co-workers, bosses, detractors and opponents,
      • (how he/she treats them is how he/she will treat you eventually);
    • leisure and entertainment activities,
    • loss, illness, heartaches, and outstanding joys,
      • all say ‘Go ahead’, he/she is the one!
  • However remember
    • people can and do change.

Sound Logic and Reasoning Confirms it!

  • Please see my last post
  • Use Your head to guard your heart
  • Your heart can guide you
    • but not against objective facts and logic.
  • Remember, you are committing yourself to
    • seek that person’s happiness without precondition
      • in the hope that they will do the same for you.
  • Warren Buffet: 
    • “Buy a stock the way you would buy a house. Understand and like it such that you’d be content to own it in the absence of any market.”
    • Me :  “Enter a long term relationship the way you would buy a house. Understand and like it such that you’d be content to own it in the absence of making any profit off it.”
  • Why have a brain if you do not use it to make important decisions in life?
  • If sound logic and reasoning say “Go ahead, he/she is the one” then
    • do it, He/She is the one.

What about ‘chemistry,’ ‘instinct,’ ‘live in the moment’ or ‘take a risk’?

  • Chemistry‘ is mutual physical attraction and a shared approach to life,
    • (see above), unfortunately,
    • will not be enough for the long haul.
  • ‘Instinct’?
    • You would not invest in the stock market solely by instinct;
      • you need additional information to inform your ‘instinct’;
      • why then would you invest your life based solely on instinct?
  • ‘Live in the moment’?
    • Only if you have only one moment to live.
  • Take a risk?’
    • Would you jump out of an airplane
      • without a parachute and/or
      • without being reasonably sure it works?

We can do this; Let’s do this!!

Note:  I apologies for the gap between the last post and this, Apologies for the gap between the last  post and this.  My excuse? Life Happened (Work, car crashes in the family, etc.).  Email me your questions at reach4himwdray@gmail.com

What Makes Long Term Relationships Work? Really!

Fulfilling, loving, mutually satisfying, meaningful, and long lasting relationships boils down to one thing:

  • both partners in the relationship, without pre-conditions and with 100% sincerity commit themselves to make the other person feel
    • safe, loved, happy, accepted,  appreciated, understood, and
    • cared for.

Be “…like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”  [Apostle Paul]

To do this requires

beach-children-family-39691.jpg

  • maturity,

    • (from both sides),
    • (psychological, social, and emotional);
    • children are innocent and beautiful to behold
      • but they can also be incredibly selfish, foolish, insensitive and unstable;
    • ‘man-child’ partners, and ‘baby-girl’ ‘diva’ personalities
      • find it hard to focus selflessly on others, and
      • often ruin the chances for long term happy relationships;
  • trust, and vulnerability, because

    • to love without pre-conditions is risky, and
    • to open up to real love means to open up to deep hurt;
      • those who hurt us the most and
      • those we hurt the most,
        • are the ones that are closest to us;
          • they give the most happiness and/or cause
            • the deepest pain;
  • open and effective communication meaning

    • willingness to speak
      • about your fears, wants, and feelings
      • in a way that your partner can understand
        • without being pushed away(!), and
    • willingness to ‘listen’, and
    • willingness to learn(!)
      • from the other person;
  • the ability to forgive and overlook your partner’s fault(s):

    • (a generous spirit/heart);
    • ‘The teeth and tongue will get in each other’s way sometimes,’ and
      • it’s not pleasant when they do, but
      • they must find a way to work together
        • for the greater good of the body(!)
          • (in this case the relationship);
    • An ever growing record of hurts in a relationship
      • will crush it.
      • Let your relationship be like a room,
        • a pleasant place  where you both like to relax
          • and savor each other’s company; one
        • that is swept clean daily,
          • of the dust/dirt
            • (hurts of past days, weeks, and months),
        • whose windows and doors are constantly open
          • to allow sunlight and
            • fresh breeze through.

“When Somebody Loves You Back”
(Teddy Pendergrass [1979])

It’s so good lovin’ somebody;
When somebody loves you back

To be loved and be loved in return
It’s the only thing that my heart desires
Just appreciate the little things I do
Oh, you’re the one who’s got me inspired
Keep on liftin’, liftin’ me higher

We can build a world of love, a life of joy
Make our goal each other’s happiness
I will do for you anything that I can
Oh, everyday I wanna do a little more
Do a little more, just a little bit more

Said now 70-30
Now 60-40
Talkin’ ’bout a 50-50 love, yeah

More tomorrow!  You Can Do This, Let’s Do This!

Note:  I have been married 36 years, with 4 grown children, and have spent 30 years in ministry including counselling many couples, at all stages of their relationships. You can say I have been ‘around the block’ a few times. 

Email me your questions on relationships and I will answer them as best as I can.