How do you know he/she is the One with whom you can have
a long lasting, mutually fulfilling, and happy relationship?
Physical Attraction: What you ‘see’ in the other person says
‘Go ahead, he/she is the one!’ This means that their
looks, fashion sense,
body type, posture and manner of walking
showing self- confidence, humility, focus, …;
attitude and presence,
voice and manner of speaking, etc.,
will meet your individual threshold/preference
for physical attraction,
throughout the relationship.
Ignoring this is why I believe that
(the TV show)
‘Married at First Sight’ does not appear to work well
especially without the necessary cultural history and
without a network of supportive and influential family dynamics
Western Culture emphasize/glamorize this far too much
there other equally
or more important factors
Shared Core Values and Approach to Life
You observe that you share similar views about
the most basic things you believe about life:
God, faith, and prayers,
money, life and death, family,
friends, science, the law, culture,
‘Go ahead, he/she is the one!’
‘ BEHIND THE SCENES‘ Real Life Experience(s) say,
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com
‘Yes, Go ahead, he/she is the one!’ ‘Behind the scenes’ experience concerning
earning and spending money,
interactions with siblings, parents, relatives,
co-workers, bosses, detractors and opponents,
(how he/she treats them is how he/she will treat you eventually);
leisure and entertainment activities,
loss, illness, heartaches, and outstanding joys,
‘Go ahead’, he/she is the one! However remember
people can and do change.
Sound Logic and Reasoning Confirms it!
my last post Use Your head to guard your heart
Your heart can guide you
but not against objective facts and logic.
Remember, you are committing yourself to
seek that person’s happiness without precondition
in the hope that they will do the same for you.
“Buy a stock the way you would buy a house. Understand and like it such that you’d be content to own it in the absence of any market.”
“Enter a long term relationship the way you would buy a house. Understand and like it such that you’d be content to own it in the absence of making any profit off it.” Why have a brain if you do not use it to make important decisions in life?
If sound logic and reasoning say
“Go ahead, he/she is the one”
. He/She is the one
What about ‘chemistry,’ ‘instinct,’ ‘live in the moment’ or ‘take a risk’?
‘ is mutual physical attraction and a shared approach to life,
(see above), unfortunately,
will not be enough for the long haul.
You would not invest in the stock market solely by instinct;
you need additional information to inform your ‘instinct’;
why then would you invest your life based solely on instinct?
‘Live in the moment’
Only if you have only one moment to live.
Take a risk
Would you jump out of an airplane
without a parachute and/or
without being reasonably sure it works?
We can do this; Let’s do this!!
Note: I apologies for the gap between the last post and this, Apologies for the gap between the last post and this. My excuse? Life Happened (Work, car crashes in the family, etc.). Email me your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org
Fulfilling, loving, mutually satisfying, meaningful, and long lasting relationships boils down to one thing:
both partners in the relationship, without pre-conditions and with 100% sincerity commit themselves to make the other person feel
safe, loved, happy, accepted, appreciated, understood, and
Be “…like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” [Apostle Paul]
To do this requires
(from both sides),
(psychological, social, and emotional);
children are innocent and beautiful to behold
but they can also be incredibly selfish, foolish, insensitive and unstable;
‘man-child’ partners, and ‘baby-girl’ ‘diva’ personalities
find it hard to focus selflessly on others, and
often ruin the chances for long term happy relationships;
because trust, and vulnerability,
to love without pre-conditions is risky, and
to open up to real love means to open up to deep hurt;
those who hurt us the most and
those we hurt the most,
are the ones that are closest to us;
they give the most happiness and/or cause
meaning open and effective communication
willingness to speak
about your fears, wants, and feelings
in a way that your partner can understand
without being pushed away(!), and
willingness to ‘listen’, and
willingness to learn(!)
the ability to forgive and overlook your partner’s fault(s):
(a generous spirit/heart);
‘The teeth and tongue will get in each other’s way sometimes,’ and
it’s not pleasant when they do, but
they must find a way to work together
for the greater good of the body(!)
(in this case the relationship);
An ever growing record of hurts in a relationship
will crush it.
Let your relationship be like a room,
a pleasant place where you both like to relax
and savor each other’s company; one
that is swept clean daily,
of the dust/dirt
(hurts of past days, weeks, and months),
whose windows and doors are constantly open
“When Somebody Loves You Back”
(Teddy Pendergrass )
It’s so good lovin’ somebody;
When somebody loves you back
To be loved and be loved in return
It’s the only thing that my heart desires
Just appreciate the little things I do
Oh, you’re the one who’s got me inspired
Keep on liftin’, liftin’ me higher
We can build a world of love, a life of joy
Make our goal each other’s happiness
I will do for you anything that I can
Oh, everyday I wanna do a little more
Do a little more, just a little bit more
Said now 70-30
Talkin’ ’bout a 50-50 love, yeah
You Can Do This, Let’s Do This!
Note: I have been married 36 years, with 4 grown children, and have spent 30 years in ministry including counselling many couples, at all stages of their relationships. You can say I have been ‘around the block’ a few times.
Email me your questions on relationships and I will answer them as best as I can.
In my last post, I argued that
the perceived benefits of the Trump presidency
from a biblical perspective,
and temporary , earthly not eternal.
Now: The continued Trump presidency
from a biblical perspective, will be
of eternal significance
for the Church, for America, and for the world.
Under the Trump Presidency
Truth/Facts/Reality and our attitudes towards them have suffered.
The Trump administration is “An Administration of Lies.”
The president is a proven, pathological, and an unrepentant liar.
His supporters repeatedly offer
to explain the administration’s actions and statements.
Getting more people to believe a ‘narrative’
(by retweets, ratings, polls, ‘likes’, ‘going viral’, soundbites, etc.)
in modern America
is now more important than the facts and
has been exacerbated by an administration
that peddles lies, obfuscation, spin and/or misdirection.
Truth is a Biblical and Christian ideal.
Truth is eternal!
Deceivers will be eternally punished.
Truth is reality and reality is truth.
Science deals in facts and objective Truth;
without truth and objective facts,
normal living is not possible;
to live in alternative reality is insanity, and
the progress of human civilization is hampered.
Justice for all depends on establishing
what is true and what are the facts (evidence!).
The Image of God
present in every human being;
(along with a sinful fallen nature) that is,
everything that is noble, pure, selfless, and admirable in man suffers.
Instead of the image of God:
humility, selflessness, love, harmony, peacefulness, self control, patience, gentleness, holiness, mercy….
Trump models the sinfulness of Man:
pride, narcissism, hate, division, quarrelsomeness, short temper, impatience, meanness, ‘fight back’, vengeance, impurity and indecency….
Trump undermines our common human dignity by
choosing to divide instead of bringing people together
in order to harness political power.
The Direction and Fate of the World May Change Forever
The Bible predicts that history is marching towards the ‘End Times.’
America is the only economic, military, and cultural superpower.
Trump has stated he acts based on his guts instincts
Trump who appears willing to take unnecessary risks
(economic, military, cultural, political)
without strategy or clear planning;
he can therefore plunge the world into an ‘end times’ scenario
This can also weaken America from within.
a moral beacon in the world,
‘the city on a hill that cannot be hid’ a clear voice for universal human rights,
model of freedom of the press, and as
a model of human dignity,
will be lost forever;
making the biblical ‘end times’ scenario that more certain.
So count me out, I will not be voting for Donald Trump in 2020!
All the benefits of my Vote for Donald Trump Appear to be
Material, Temporal, Earthly
More Conservative Judges
Inasmuch as I want a society
where conservative values are respected, this pertains mostly to America, not the Kingdom of God,
when judges are appointed
by both sides
solely for partisan control of the judiciary,
and it will ultimately corrupt justice
for everyone, forever (!);
will not prevent the ongoing moral decay of humanity
predicted in the Bible, as we move toward the end-times!
” “‘Hear the cases between your brothers, and judge righteously between a man and his brother or the alien who is with him.
That is, justice must be blind to even the closest earthly affiliations.
The Possibility of Overturning Roe vs. Wade
Inasmuch as I am
(in Church and personal life
and I will work to reduce abortion in society
in other ways other than using the force of law)
and I am also pro-choice , (as a matter of law in society) inasmuch as I will like to reduce abortions in the US,
the church will do a better job to impact society for God
by modelling selfless, holy, and cross-bearing lives as people of faith,
than to try to wield the corrupting tools of political power
to force social change; that is,
making abortion illegal
constrains action by force of law, it
does not change people and
is only a temporary fix, to the eternal problem of the
sinfulness of man, and it
does not address immorality within the Church itself;
I also have hope that God has a plan even for unborn babies
as I believe he does for infants who die early!
Matt. 18.10: “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.”
A friend of the (mostly white) Church in the White House
is temporary, of this earth, not the kingdom of God
if the Church cannot criticize that ‘friend’,
if the Church must always praise that ‘friend’,
if the Church must explain away, excuse, and lie (‘spin’),
when that ‘friend’ lies, divides, and is unrepentant of
deceit, meanness, pride and boastfulness, narcissism, and adultery,
and thereby abandon its basic mission to a lost world:
faithfully proclaim the truth and will of God
that we must be
true, loving, meek and lowly, selfless, and faithful to the wife of our youth, welcoming, be wronged instead of wronging others, give vengeance to God instead of always ‘fighting back.’
Faithful prophetic witness
to powerful (and sometimes corrupt) political leaders (kings)
is clear in the Bible.
It usually involves truth, rebuke, courage, and great risk: Samuel (Eli), Samuel (Saul), Nathan (David),
Elijah (Ahab, Jezebel, Ahaziah), Elisha (Ahab), Micaiah (Ahab)
Isaiah (Manasseh), Jonah (Nineveh),
Jeremiah (Zedekiah), Daniel (Nebuchadnezzar, Belshazzar),
John the Baptist (Herod)
Jesus (Pilate), Peter (Sanhedrin);
the Early Church (the Sanhedrin); and
as the one we see between
It is never a cozy relationship
the White House and white evangelical American leadership.
As good as that sounds,
a strong economy is of this earth, not eternal
Mark 8.36: “What does it profit a man [nation]….”
(as the signs are beginning to show, and
as Donald Trump continues to gamble
with the economy and
with the livelihood of millions of Americans,
using trade wars),
the economy takes a downturn,
as is expected every now and again?
Strong Immigration Enforcement?
This excites those
whose primary concern is America who may be driven by
lack of knowledge and compassion, fear, distaste, and/or
those who are different, who are weak, and destitute;
who have forgotten, who ignore the fact,
that the Kingdom of God is all tribes, tongues and nations
that everyone ‘came from somewhere else’,
that the Bible overwhelmingly teaches love and welcome
for the weak, the widow, the fatherless, the alien ,strangers (!)
that Mary, Joseph, and the Baby Jesus were themselves refugees
to Egypt from political violence!
Matthew 24.44: “Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’”
Revelation 7.9 “…from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb….”
Strong Military and National Defense,
pertains to only America, not the Kingdom of God;
is material, temporary, and earthly.
“For we do not wrestle not against flesh and blood…”
Second Amendment Rights
Is only of this earth, and temporary, and
when promoted unreasonably and at all cost, it
UNDERCUTS THE MESSAGE OF THE CROSS:
give instead of taking life,
“turning the other cheek”,
“Nevertheless, let your [God’s] will be done not mine” lacks any sound biblical and theological support.
Matt. 16.24: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
The choice between a gun and the cross is easy
– Next Post Why a Vote For Donald Trump has Negative Long Term/Eternal Consequences for America and the Church.
In my last post, I told you two ways your loan balance can continue to increase.
Even when you are making your minimum monthly payments,
if you miss your minimum monthly payment, and/or
whenever you are allowed to pay less than your minimum monthly payment
your loan balance may continue to increase.
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com
Other scenarios in which your loan balance will continue to rise:
A ‘debt relief’ program promises you can make ‘smaller payments’
than the standard/reasonable minimum monthly payments, and
used by some unscrupulous lenders to trap you
Some government and/or education loans repayment plan are also
income driven, i.e. based on
how much you earn not
how much is required to pay off the loan
in a reasonable period of time.
you owe $25,000, at 15% annual interest rate computed on the balance each month
The minimum payment is 2% or $500.
“That’s too high”, you say, “can you help me?”
“Can I pay $200 per month please?” “
Sure”, the lender says, “just for you!” What you may not realize is that
$200 does not cover your monthly interest ($314).s
The difference ($314 – $200)
is added to your loan balance
(the interest has been ‘capitalized’)
which continues to earn interest.
The Education Department Income Driven Repayment Plan (IDRP)
provides relief to people allowing them to make payments
based on how much they earn
on loan balances that earn interest each day
until the to total balance is paid off.
As above, you may be making all regular required payments
but your actual loan balance could be increasing!!
You make regular minimum payments but
if the interest rate is high and if
the loan balance is continually earning interest,
your loan balance will continue to increase; in fact
the loan balance will double approximately
every 70/(interest rate) years
according to the ‘Rule of 70’:
an amount that grows at the rate of ‘x’ per period
will double approximately every 70/x periods.
a credit card balance of $25,000 at 15% annual interest rate
will double every 70/15 = 4.7 years (4 years and 8 months)
If you make every minimum required payment of 2%,
The balance will double every 70/13 = 5 years and 5 months.
Some credit card loans will have lower/higher interest rates.
Some loans (some mortgages, car notes)
have interest calculated over the life of the loan.
Final Take Away
If possible, avoid loans
for which the interest rate is calculated frequently
on the outstanding balance.
Make sure your minimum payments at least cover your interest
Make sure your minimum payments covers some of your principal each time
If not the make additional payment to cover
paying down your principal.
Please follow Reach Ministries on
twitter, Facebook, and YouTube (coming)
Email me at email@example.com
You Can Do It! Let’s Do This!!
As a general principle, debt is bad unless
It’s an investment debt, examples of which are,
in an area and, in an amount that makes economic sense education loans
a loan to purchase a house or real estate,
for which at least you have a real asset to sell off later,
it can be viewed as a form of saving at the least;
you may be able to build equity over time, and thereby
to increase your net assets position; or
an asset that will produce returns
greater than the cost of servicing the debt,
i.e. your earnings on the asset is greater than interest paid on it;
for example, a business or some form of an investment instrument
that produces an additional and an ongoing stream of income.
Long Term Loans,
credit cards, education loans, business loans, mortgage loans etc.
even for ‘good investment loans’ (debt) have one trap:
the ‘Minimum Monthly Payments’ trap.
‘Minimum Monthly Payment,’
is the amount you are required to pay on your outstanding balance
at regular periods (usually monthly, but also quarterly, yearly, etc.)
over the life of the loan;
meant to at least cover the interest on the loan.
But it may not cover your total monthly interest,
which means the amount you owe could be increasing
even while you are making regular payments!
When you take out a loan, your loan balance
which is your total debt on the loan,
continues to earn interest,
by the day, month, etc. depending on the loan details; it may also
increase when you fail to make a payment
because you get charged a penalty for late or non-payment,
which is then added to your loan balance!
If your minimum payments do not cover the interest,
in each period,
the unpaid interest is usually added to your outstanding balance
(this is called ‘capitalization’ of the interest)
that is, it’s like you took a larger loan in the first place;
future interest payments may be calculated on
the unpaid interest plus the original balance (‘principal’);
which is now the new and higher ‘principal’,
therefore your debt is growing, even as you are making
regular payments towards it!
, say you hold a balance of $25,000 on a credit card/loan
at 15% annual interest rate computed on each month’s balance, you must pay
$3750 per year in interest (25,000 x 0.15) or
$308 – $312 per month (3750 /365 * 30 days; or $3750 /12 months) or
$500 per month if the minimum payment required is 2%
If you miss one minimum payment,
the $500 may be added to your balance of $25,000
at the end of the period
to become $25,500.
Your annual interest at 15% is now
$3825 per year (25,500 * 0.15) or
$314 – $318 per month (3825 /365 * 30 days; or $3825/12 months) or
$510 per month if the minimum payment required is 2%
Additional fees (penalties) may also be added to your loan balance.
If on the other hand
you are in financial difficulty and ask for reduced payment
that is less than your interest payments,
say you want to make a $100 payment,
instead of the minimum payment of $500
you will be paying less than the interest payment
(of $308 – $312 per month);
your outstanding interest may be capitalized
i.e. added to the initial balance of $25,000:
which is $208 – $212: the difference
between your monthly interest
($308 – $312) and
the $100 you paid
will be added to your balance;
other ‘late penalty’ or ‘non-payment’ fees
may also be added to your balance
other ‘finance’ or ‘financing’ charges
may be added to your balance and
the total loan balance will increase.
Then what looks like a relief (less than the minimum payment)
turns out to be bad for you in the long run
There’s more. Check back tomorrow!
Follow me on
Twitter, Facebook, and (soon) on YouTube;
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
A little introduction about Reach Ministries Int’l!
After much prayer, I began activities for this ministry in March this year
when my family finally joined me in Greenville Area of SC.
This blog was started in 2017.
Right now it is
me, my wife of 36 years and our children,
my good friend Elvis Muhabwa from Uganda,
former colleagues, friends, and well wishers, disciples, etc.
from around the US
in Illinois where I was a pastor for 13 years and
around the world who are praying for this ministry, and it can be
anyone who has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as Savior or who wishes to have such a relationship with him, and who identifies with the Vision, Mission, and Profile of the ministry below.
please also see the More About Dr. Ray – link at the home page.
In addition, My gifts are
prayer and intercession
I am a dreamer!
I believe in miracles (both:
the one-of-a kind, all-at-once action of God, and
the slow, over-time irresistible favor of God,
Reach Ministries: Army of Worshipers whose ultimate prayer is that God is glorified in and through each of them, who are passionate about achieving their God-given dreams and aspirations, and who promote and enjoy healthy,
meaningful, and fulfilling relationships in community.
Through God-centered worship, sound biblical teaching, practical training in important life skills and by creating diverse opportunities for healthy interactions, relationships and service to others, Reach Ministries will raise an Army of Worshipers to fulfill the vision.
The Three Pillars
Reach Upwards to God (
He is always reaching down to us in Love!) Reach Forward to your goals (
Everyone one can achieve their God-given goals) Reach Outward to Others (
To give and to receive; to bless and to be blessed in community!)
Because we need to respond to God’s invitation to a relationship with him
Because we need to keep moving, keep growing, keep getting better
Because we need to seek others, see, listen to, serve, and help others
which is the greatest source of fulfillment:
we can receive in life;
a meaningful and positive impact on others,
the greatest legacy ever!
Interested? What can you do?
Share, pass the word around about the following opportunities
Email me at email@example.com to join small/prayer group(s)
Follow Reach Ministries on
Twitter at reach4himwdray Follow Reach Ministries on
Facebook at reach4himwdray Check this blog for updates, encouraging, positive, and daily posts
Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Reach! when it comes online soon.
As the Lord leads!